Potty learning – why I’m following her lead

“You need to start potty training her soon” is a phrase I’ve heard way too much in the last few months. While I was a little worried that kids start school at 3 here and need to be reliably using the loo by then, I was in no rush to get Iris out of her nappies. I think part of the reason people have been encouraging me to potty train is because they assume having two in nappies is really hard work, when in fact it really isn’t. I haven’t found it to be anyway. 

My niece was out of nappies pretty early, because she took my sister by surprise and announced that she’d be wearing pants, and not nappies, one day out of the blue. Her accidents were minimal and she was dry and using the loo every time within a few days. Following her lead had worked. It reinforced my belief that there’s not a lot of point in trying to force children to do things they aren’t ready for. 

I’ve worked in nurseries most of my adult life so I have contributed to the potty training of probably hundreds of children. I’ve met loads who have been put in pants too early. They have loads of accidents and it knocks their confidence. This has the complete opposite result to what the parents hoped for. 

Honestly, I see nothing wrong with children wearing nappies until they’re three or four or whatever. Had Iris wanted to stay in nappies a lot longer I’d have rolled with it. Actually, I wasn’t ready for this. As usual, she’s way ahead of me. 

The week before we went away camping Iris just started using her potty. Just like that. It’s been kicking around the house for a while, so it’s become familiar and she’s used it on a few occasions here and there when she’s felt like it. This time was different because she didn’t want to put her nappy back on, preferring to stay naked from the waist down. We stayed at home and she used the potty all afternoon. We even took the potty out with us to walk the dog, and Iris wore a dress and a bare bum underneath. Luckily the weather was warm! 

Her timing was dreadful. With a camping holiday starting a few days later, and then her first sessions at nursery the following week. I’d obviously rather waited until we were back from our holiday and she had settled in at nursery. 

I needn’t have worried. Her wet accidents were few and far between, and camping turned out to be a good time for it. Most of her few accidents happened in the great outdoors! She still isn’t quite there with her poo, and although she’s making it to the potty for most of them now, she isn’t reliable yet. I don’t see it as any more of a chore than changing a dirty nappy so it’s not worrying me. When she does manage it on the potty or the loo she’s so chuffed with herself! I’m so confident in her ability to ask when she needs a wee that I’ve stopped putting puppy pads in her car seat and pushchair, and I’ve even taken her on a train journey to Bristol in pants. She’s pretty much cracked it. 

These are my tips for potty ‘learning’. I’m no expert, but these things have worked so well for Iris that I thought I’d share. 

• Just wait. Leave a potty lying around by all means, and definitely use the loo in front of them as much as possible. But don’t put any pressure on. Just wait for them to show interest. 
• Get the Pirate Pete potty book out from the library. Iris really liked the parts where he picked out his potty and his pants. One day she just asked if we could go to the shops and choose pants for her, and we did. Even though she didn’t actually want to wear them yet. 
• Let them choose the pants. Iris has a mixture of Peppa Pig, monsters, and vehicles. All her choices, and most of them from the boys section. I wasn’t going to tell her that she couldn’t have the pants with diggers on just because some idiot somewhere has decided that only boys can like diggers. 
• Leave the pants around. Iris has a basket of pants in the living room. They get put on dolls and played with a lot. They’re very familiar to her now. 
• Invest in a travel potty. We have the ‘carry potty’. It is sealed when you shut the lid and apparently doesn’t leak if you have to carry a wee around with you. I’ve never actually had to test this out though! Every time we go out I remind Iris every so often that the potty is right there in the bottom of the pushchair if she needs it. 
• Keep a potty near the toys and another one in the bathroom. When they first start learning they can’t hold the wee long! A potty where they play helps with this. 
• Buy a wet bag or two for storing soiled clothes when you’re out. They’re very cheap, and will save a lot of plastic nappy sacks. You can turn them inside out and chuck them in the washing machine with the pants. 
• Ditch all in one pyjamas and dungarees. Choose leggings and jogging bottoms, or dresses. They need to be able to get them out of the way quickly and by themselves. 
• Iris wouldn’t use the loo at nursery to start with so she took her own potty in so that she’d have somewhere familiar to go. She didn’t use it and started using their loo pretty quickly, but it might be helpful for other little ones. 
• Cheer and congratulate when they do it, but clean it away quickly and without making a big deal when they don’t. It really doesn’t matter. 
• Think carefully about using sticker charts or other rewards. I’ve used them lots of times with lots of children over the years, but I’ve found they’re not usually helpful. Some kids really respond to them, but just remember that at some point you have to take it away. 

Despite being incredibly proud of Iris for tackling this at such a young age, I’m a little bit emotional too. No nappies definitely means she’s not a baby anymore! 

Camping in the forest yet again…2016

Both of my children are asleep. They’re asleep upstairs and not on my lap, and they were asleep by 8:30. It’s some kind of miracle, so despite not really being in the mood for it I’m going to blog. 

It’s the third year in a row that we’ve spent the last week of the summer holidays in a tent under a rain cloud in beautiful North Wales. Search ‘camping’ in my search bar, and you’ll see that this was also our third camping trip this year. I really don’t think you can beat it for a family get away. There’s nothing quite like ‘unplugging’ your kids for a while and seeing them roam among the trees and play with nature rather than toys and electronics! 

We originally went to Beddgelert in 2014 because Trevor had such fond memories of camping holidays there as a kid. It’s like a trip down memory lane for him every year, in a good way I think. Although he has muttered ‘oh wow I think I have become my dad’ several times this holiday! Mostly when he was bumping his head on the lamp. 

There’s no way we could currently afford a holiday and for the dog to stay in kennels for a week, so camping is ideal for us. It wouldn’t be a family holiday without stinky Seb anyway. He’s like one of the kids. We forked out for a cattery for Margot and Galahad and that cost a small fortune. Luckily Batpig went to stay with a guinea pig loving friend and got so much attention he looked quite glum about coming home. 

Of course it rained. It always rains. 

To be fair, it rains almost non-stop in North Wales whether we’re there or not. It does feel like the rain clouds follow us a little bit though. It’s like the mountains of Snowdonia have a climate of their own. I keep my iPhone weather app set to show me the weather in Blaenau Ffestiniog all year round, and even when the sun is shining brightly everywhere else, it’s still raining there. We do virtually the same stuff every year. This year we vowed to slow down a little, do a bit less. I think we achieved it. We didn’t leave camp until lunchtime any of the days, which meant we had time for breakfast, a shower, and for the big kids to wander off to the play area for a while. It was nice. It took the pressure off. 

We always have to visit at least one castle (last year we visited what felt like about 400 castles) and this year we managed two. My favourite two. 

Dolbadarn is my favourite by far. It’s not even a castle as such. Just the ruins of one tower, high in a hill over Llanberis. Trevor and the kids always insist on having a sword battle on the steps, complete with chain mail costumes and wooden swords. You used to be able to go halfway up the spiral staircase in the tower, so it was a surprise to find out that you can now go all the way up to the top. Although this discovery did almost cause Trevor to die of shock, when the biggest kid climbed right up there and shouted “I’ve climbed right to the top!”. His “get down right now!” squeal gave away how frightened he was. He thought she’d jumped the barrier and was walking around the top of the walls! Actually you come out of the top of the staircase in a safety cage so you can’t fall off. It’s a pretty amazing view! 

Actually, as much as I like Dolbadarn, I like Llanberis for the park and the lake. We started our visit in Pete’s Eats, a pretty famous climber cafe near the start of the Snowdon path. It does pretty standard fried breakfast type food, but the kids love it there. It was slightly less fun this year as we were constantly bothered by wasps! Then we head to the lake. Seb is first to jump in, but Iris is quick to strip off and jump right in behind him. She started off paddling in pants and shirt, but it was only moment before she fell right in! It was absolutely freezing, but she doesn’t seem to feel it! After the dog and the kids had a paddle, we stopped by the play area for a while before hiring a row boat. I volunteered to look after Seb on the bank (which was a pretty easy job because he swam out and followed the boat around!) so that I could enjoy some rare sunshine while Astrid snoozed on me. Iris was chuffed to bits with her bright orange life jacket, but didn’t last long in the boat before they had to row back in and drop her off. Iris put on a performance of ‘acrobats’ in the bandstand to finish off a nice trip. 

My second favourite castle is Harlech, and I’ve never even been inside. 

This is because the dog isn’t allowed in, and somebody has to sit outside on the grass drinking takeaway coffee in the sun using the snoozing dog as a pillow. Without any kids. That somebody is me. Poor me. My short break outside Harlech castle was spoiled a bit this year by a loud and angry man who sat by me and shouted at somebody on the phone. Trevor and all four kids were having a great time inside though. Trevor was wearing Astrid in a sling, which meant Iris had to walk around and she handled it pretty well with a bit of help on the narrow spiral staircases. We followed up the castle visit with ice creams with flags in the top. 

The other thing we really love to do while we’re in North Wales is to travel around by steam train. Camping in the Forest is a great campsite for this, as it actually has a steam train station in the campsite! Our pitch was right by the station this year, which meant we had an excellent view of passing trains and we spent rather a lot of time waving at strangers as the trains chugged by. We caught the train from our tent to Beddgelert one afternoon, then visited Gelert’s Grave and had dinner in the Saracen’s Head before walking back in the dark. Iris rode on Trevor’s shoulders and decided that wearing a torch on your head is the most exciting thing ever for a two year old. 

I highly recommend the Saracen’s Head if you’re ever in the area. It’s hard to find somewhere that is accepting of toddlers, babies, noisy children and a wet muddy dog. The food is excellent too. I could eat the veggie burger every day and not get bored. The kid’s menu is great, and the desserts are just delicious. 

Our other favourite place to eat is Tan y Bwlch train station. We drove to Blaenau Ffestiniog, where Iris got upset and could only be cheered up by spending her pocket money on a wooden cat called Gringo in a lovely shop called This and That. We had a long wait for the train so got cakes and milkshakes for the kids in a cafe, before strolling over to the station and finding a carriage. This is our third year, yet Seb’s still not keen on the trains. He settles once he’s on, but he stays under the seat and won’t look out of the window. Iris is the opposite, and it’s a big job just to make sure she keeps her hands and head inside the window! As well as great food, Tan y Bwlch station has a little train themed play area. Although they’ve enjoyed it in previous years, the novelty of it is wearing off for the bigger two. Which is a shame in a way as Iris has just reached an age where she really appreciates a good play area. Once we’ve eaten and had a play, we like to head down the hill to the lake. Another lake! Guess what Iris wanted to do? 

The biggest kid insisted on actually changing into a bikini and getting in. Why don’t kids feel the cold? A little while later we had a bunch of wet shivery kids and only a few minutes to get back for the last train! We’re that sort of family. The kind that leaves everything to the last minute, but it’s usually because we’re too busy having fun.

We made a decision to use our last whole day as a campsite day. We’d have to walk the dog but we wouldn’t take the van anywhere or go anywhere specific. It was lucky we hadn’t planned much because the rain was absolutely torrential. It had kept us awake all night and it was relentless until mid afternoon, when it finally eased up. Everything was drenched. We hung out in the tent quite a bit, but the rain was so loud we could barely hear each other, and we were a bit worried it’d continue into the next day and we’d have to pack the tent away in it! We finally decided we’d just have to face it, so we all put our waterproofs on. We were one pair of trousers short, so poor Trevor had to brave the downpour in his jeans. We took the long forest walk and ended up walking all the way into Beddgelert. I had Iris in my back in a carrier. She was wrapped up really warm and in waterproofs, and she slept for most of the walk. In Beddgelert the kids spent the last of their holiday pocket money in a gift shop, and then we headed back the short way. On arrival back at the campsite, most of our waterproof gear had failed and we were all drenched through. Iris was still in my back but was looking pale and was shivering! I thought we’d made her poorly with our daft walk in the rain and I felt so guilty. I took her straight to the shower block, stripped her off and put her under the warm water. Iris has only just got over her fear of showers, but she would not be convinced to get out and get dressed! She just kept pressing the shower button again and again while I waited. Not long after she returned to her usual colour, she decided to get out. Immediately she began to shiver again, so I wrapped her up and we snuggled under the covers in bed for a while. She was fine once she warmed through, although both her and Astrid developed a cold the next morning! And that was that. One last meal at the Saracen’s Head, one last night, and one more breakfast in the forest. Time to pack up. We were all a bit gutted. Actually, we’ve been back over a week and I’m still gutted. I’d been anxious about taking Iris away when she’d just decided she doesn’t wear nappies anymore. She had quite a lot of accidents because she didn’t really know where she was or where she could go to the loo. We carried a potty everywhere with us and she did use it a lot. However, it turned out to be a very good time and place for her to learn. Her accidents all happened outdoors, mostly on the forest floor! I’m already looking forward to next year. It’ll be the best one yet, I reckon! Astrid will most likely be walking, and Iris will be three! It’ll be the week before she starts at school, and the week before the biggest kid moves to high school. How exciting! 

Iris at 18 months

  
I usually write so much for these updates, and as it’s been a while since I’ve written one you’d think this one would be huge. 

It won’t be. 

Of course she’s changed and grown and developed and learnt loads of stuff. She does that constantly and amazes me every day. At eighteen months she’s learning faster than ever before and is even funnier than ever before.

She’s also hard work. In a way she never has been before. Iris has always been reliably portable. I take her everywhere and she loves it. Only lately she doesn’t want to put her shoes on or put her coat on or get on the bus or do anything I need her to do. Everything is a battle. Her first few tantrums have appeared and the timing is awful. I’m too tired. I’m handling them the way I planned to so far. I’m calm and rational and I try to talk to her about what she’s feeling. It’s tricky to stay patient but so far I’m doing it. I won’t ever ignore her or leave her or put her on time out. I don’t believe in that stuff. However I can see myself losing patience and not staying calm, so I’m having to work on that. 

She’s a doer. She doesn’t watch. She doesn’t sit still and observe. She’s busy. She never stops. 

I’m feeling guilty because I can’t keep up. I feel bad because we aren’t outdoors.  We aren’t tearing around the park anymore. We haven’t been to playgroup much. Home has become the place to spend our days and she is as frustrated as me. 

We’ve been poorly. Just the usual winter bugs, but one after another. Just another reason to stay at home. Life has slowed to a snail’s pace and it doesn’t suit her or me. 

The new words come thick and fast. Animal sounds, body parts, foods. The names of favourite people. Please and thank you. She knows there’s a baby in my tummy. She tells me several times a day. She calls her daddy sweetly from the other side of the house because she knows it melts his heart. 

She loves to throw a ball, to dance, to run. She just loves to move. 

She adores animals. She quite likes people too. She’s affectionate and gives kisses and cuddles freely to those that she loves. 

She’s mesmerised by all the Christmas things, the lights and baubles and children singing carols on the high street. 

She knows her own mind and knows what she wants. She doesn’t give up until she gets the outcome she was looking for. 

She has at least 12 teeth. Probably more. It’s hard to have a look without getting bitten. 

She often asks for cake. She gets that from me. 

Her hair has suddenly started growing rapidly but I still can’t decide what colour it is. 

She tells me when her nappy needs changing and asks to use the potty, which she likes to sit on but hasn’t actually done anything on yet. I’m so not ready for this. 

She’s amazing. A tiny miniture female version of Trevor.  A loud, strong willed, busy, impatient toddler. 

She’s still obsessed with yellow welly boots. 

I’m terrified of the impact a baby sister will have on her life. I hope it isn’t too hard for her. I keep telling her she’s my baby too. She always will be. 

She made me a mother.